Is this what you call a mid-life crisis!?

My son asked me a few days ago 'Mom when are you getting a job?' I chided him as I tickled his tummy saying, 'I don't want to work anymore darling because I'm so enjoying my job of playing Mommy'. He smiled as he hugged me and moved on with something or the other but he had planted a seed into my head ... and I was conscious that he had already asked me this question twice before.

On the outside he was just being curious but his bigger unsaid question was, when he can have his PS3 and laptop -- promises that I had told him would be fulfilled when I get a job! As parents we tend to play God and believe that we can fulfill our children' wishes even if it means stretching ourselves for it sometimes. Maybe my baby was just being plain curious or just making polite conversation or was humoring me but either ways it was a hope that I had put in his head and I'm not happy that I have not yet been able to fulfill his wish! Of course one has savings but I don't want to break into my savings. Not that I need to fulfill every wish of my child, specially luxury things like these that he can definitely do well without considering he is in the 9th grade; but nevertheless, his casual question served as a reminder that I need to get on with my life.

Getting a job would undoubtedly help materialize his now silent dreams and yet the thought that has been playing ping-pong in my mind for a while now, and hence it found its way to my lips when Raunaq questioned me; is that I really do not want to do a job unless it is truly challenging and promises a career ahead ...

So, my mind has been churning with some unfulfilled dreams from yesteryear ... the things that I would have loved to do or would love to still do:
MUSIC - I would love to sing or perhaps I could be a Radio Jockey and host a show of english and hindi music from my times
FILM - Act in or maybe direct a film and if it proves successful take it up as a full time career
WRITING - I loved playing story teller from my childhood days -- this is my most favorite option!
COOKING - I love being creative with cooking and believe I am blessed with a good hand too - well yeh main nahin kehti ... log kehtey hain ji ... perhaps open a restaurant of my own!?
MARKETING - create brands or work with a company that understands the importance of having a professionally managed team to market its products or set up my own marketing consulting firm.

Yikes ... this is such a variety of thought ... the only common train being creativity! I am 44 and I'm unsure of what to make of my life ahead ... I'm in the middle of my work life and and am having thoughts of making new beginnings ... is it wrong of me to think afresh!? It's like Ive come to the crossroads of my life and I am scratching my head wondering hard, which turn do I take yaar ... and as ideas race through my mind out-doing each other my heart is weighed down by the financial security I would like to create for my children and my old age, and I am forced to think of what I am putting at stake if I take the untrodden path ... in a worst case scenario, I risk failure and in the bargain lose time and money... and yet there is a good chance that there will be success too because I have the confidence and maturity to take things through all the way ... and so my mind is playing tic-tac-toe ... what do I chose ... I need some heavenly intervention NOW! Godji ... kuch karo!!